Craig Hendry, who?, that guy in Indiana with a criminal history a mile long who used to look like David Koresh until he cut his hair and now looks like your Grandpa’s social studies teacher from 1987, won the GoFundMe title for Saturday. I can’t explain it either.
I was dreaming of a Star Wars version of the Dukes of Hazzard. A star destroyer was shooting at Luke’s land speeder with Luke, Uncle Jesse, and the droids in it and a deputy was telling a story about how he single-handedly captured Princess Daisy Dukes until Boss Vader came along and hit him with his helmet for being an idiot as Vader was the one who caught the Princess.
On the ground, on the desert planet of Tatto-not-filmed-in-Georgia-o-ine, the speeder was chased into a community who was alerted to incoming imperial berries and cherries and managed to slam down the town gate as soon as Luke came through. Luke did a last second drop off of the droids and Uncle Ben before he crashed the speeder into the electrical grid, sealing the community under a force dome that the imperials couldn’t get through.
And before that, I had a dream that mob boss the Turtle, a boyish looking little man who ran the suburbs of 1930s Boston, had his fleet of 1930s style cars terrorizing neighborhoods looking to protest on front lawns in support of getting mobster “Karrie No Breaks” off of charges of backing over a school bus because they were in the way.
I was tied up in the trunk of one of his giant stretch day to day cars (measuring the length of 10 “full sized” turtle boys), and his goons were going to be fitting me with some cement shoes for not reporting the way he wanted me to on the Karrie No Breaks case.
Things were pretty dire as they lifted me out of the trunk and I could see the mixer spinning up to pour the concrete… there was no way Good Ole Jimmy Fingers, Reporter of Fluff, would get out of this one and…
EITHER DREAM WOULD HAVE BEEN PREFERABLE TO THIS REALITY.
It’s 4:20AM on a Sunday morning. There’s no news. I can’t even do filler with one year ago today without finding the old Word file and putting up those news stories to give the article something to point to.
If Press with Rancor had come to take me to the Fairies, they obviously rejected me because even a Fae baby wouldn’t accept this position even if it meant living among the humans. I mean… WHAT THE HELL PEOPLE, WHO GIVES CRAIG HENDRY MONEY?
It had been THREE MONTHS since his last donation. He doesn’t even use his own picture on the campaign, it’s some random “evil” cop, and certainly it’s not worth throwing your money away on a man who thinks ILLINOIS LAW APPLIES IN INDIANA!
My head. My heart. My goodness. THIS IS NOT THE WAY TO START A NEW WEEK.
On that note, if you ever thought about donating to the GoFundMe we could use donations this week as we’re about to make a big purchase to keep the peace for the next six months with permission from a donor (dementia patient, TV, “No, you haven’t lived in Seattle in 38 years, pop. But yes, the Seahawks are on your TV so settle down!”), we do have a GoFundMe of our own (https://gofund.me/b8144e31). All proceeds go to keeping the lights on, eating, and writing new stories to feature here and on reallycoolsite.org.
