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I’m not sure what you expect from me at this point. I can’t go on pretending that there’s not a vast conspiracy to keep me writing this column every morning at 3AM, up from the 4AM we used to publish at because we’re writing for audio now! Wait, winners, war and Sunday added for the WordPress algorithm, ya’ll.
Text is dead!
Long live the radio gods!
Wait, radio is dead too.
Podcasting, maybe?
No, podcasts are for losers who are still living with their parents in their 50’s because they’re burned out on real jobs and are suckered into covering murder cases.
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIT.
At least Rose is real and not a vacuum cleaner.
That was low, even for me, but true! And I’m thankful every day for her presence at 5AM to keep reminding me that she’s in the real world while I’m living a teenage dream of writing and performing for a living.
I’m entirely out of ideas for the rest of this column for the day, despite yelling and screaming like Daffy Duck meets Elmer Fudd, even the two-hour nap I took between starting and finishing this column hasn’t helped.
Part of it is that what I said above is true, in the old days I was writing for a newspaper. That meant the most I’d write at 4AM to 6AM would be about two pages of text in the current format.
I wouldn’t fret over stretching things out or if there wasn’t a lot of news to go around because eff it, it was a newspaper, and we could come and go with just a story a day or no stories at all if there wasn’t anything to print.
With the switch over to doing the news AND A YOUTUBE BROADCAST/Podcast each night, things got a bit tougher. With Microsoft Word’s current settings, using the Aptos (Body) font at 12 points, each page translates to roughly two to three minutes on air depending on spacing.
This story is currently about two minutes if I’ve timed it properly, with all the weird formatting at the start of the story. It’s important because now I’m worried about word counts and entertainment and by god, getting us past at least eight minutes a broadcast so we give YouTube something to monetize if we ever hit 1,000 subscribers.
No wonder I’ve been so tired each morning.
We just hit 2001 words total over four stories and about three solid hours of writing and two napping. We’re at page six as I type, I hate you all, we won the day with a $10 donation, everyone hit goose eggs and now I’m more convinced than ever that the conspiracy is out to run my life.
You’ve won, conspirators, you’ve won. I am your puppet. But thank you, all in all, as I can afford McDonalds for another day back at the grindstone.
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