It’s 4:23AM as we write this, we’re about to watch a video of Floyd Wallace fulfilling a promise he made to his fans and attempt to learn Spanish on a live stream. We’re hoping it’s as bad as it seems as it’s been a long evening.
You know how we’ve been bitching about strange dreams, aliens and the like? Well, a five-hour energy mixed with a SHEETZ extra spicy chicken sandwich and we’ve had about 3 hours of sleep because…
I didn’t know you could mix ALIENS and JAWS and CHILLE DECASTRO fans. I didn’t. I never thought it was possible, nor did I want to have this dream. Usually, when I have an “Aliens” style dream, I just peace out. I force myself into an escape pod (making sure there’s no face hugger under the seat or in the capsule) and leave before anything happens.
I’m no hero, I’m not here to save the world.
Likewise, the greatest way to get out of a JAWS dream is to force yourself to wake up. Same goes for a dream where you’re hunted by raging fans of Chille DeCastro, who can’t possibly accept that their hero isn’t who he says he is and has said some pretty messed up things over the past two years.
I mean they bitch and they bitch and they bitch and fill your YouTube comments with “this is fake, this is a lie” and all you can do is open your eyes and peace, out on them. The lack of sleep will be worth it to escape them.
See, right now, new message! “You’ve got a robot voice and I hate you!” Okay then, don’t want to see that, let’s just wake up from the dream. Open eyes and… Open eyes and. EYES OPEN AND.
Oh dear god, this is life. THIS IS REAL? It can’t be. I just posted in a dream my open love for SELENA GOMEZ in that stupid show with those old guys. That was a dream, right? I mean no one can know about my secret… WAIT A MINUTE. It’s just a dream. It’s just a dream.
I mean, reality can’t be that no one but me is doing anything to promote their GoFundMe’s! We just added a bunch of admittedly deadish GoFundMes, but still, they were to INSPIRE the creators to start promoting them again and go on to win the daily crown!
It takes minimal effort people! Even if our daily hate watcher has gone off to watch better things lately, (“Dear Jim, U Suck. I’m not paying or this @#$#! DO BETTER!”), at least we promote our GoFundMes and TRY TO DO SOMETHING to give you value or your money!
Not like well, Jose “Chille” DeCastro, SeanPaul “Long Island Audits” Reyes and the rest. We work for our money! We shake that thang! We put out, dammit! And, wait, we’re confusing dream and reality again as we…
THIS COLUMN IS OVER TODAY DUE TO THE TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES.
IF YOU’D LIKE TO DONATE TO GET US SOME MENTAL HEALTH ISSUE HELP, WE DO HAVE A GOFUNDME OF OUR OWN.
Please, gosh, make this reality end! Make us get back to the dream.
It was just a dream.
DO BETTER!
