It was another historic win for us on Tuesday as our on-going expenses fund… wait a second, we lost? We lost to Long Island Audits? HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN! THIS WASN’T IN THE SCRIPT! I WANT MY MANAGER!
Okay, calm down, calm down, it’s a one-time thing. Right? SeanPaul “Long Island Audit” Reyes’ “Help with Billboard Truck Purchase to EXPOSE Tyranny” fund took in $25.00 and topped our $10.00 haul to take the day.
Wait a minute. That’s TWO DONATIONS IN A ROW to the stupid billboard truck fund. That’s not a coincidence. Oh lord, one more day of this and IT’S A TREND! GOD, WHY AM I WRITING IN ALL CAPS? IT’S OUR FIRST TREND! AND IT’S NOT ABOUT US?
::Hard reboot later:;
Okay, okay, we’re fine now. Obviously someone somewhere is convinced that SeanPaul Reyes deserves the Billboard truck that he already owns. I mean, for real, he already has the truck. He just is using the fund for gas money or taxes or something wonky on his income that he’s never going to declare.
We’ll watch the fund but by golly, if things aren’t next to normal tomorrow, I’m sending PANTS to your house to judge your movie and CD collection… LET ALONE YOUR ONLINE COLLECTIONS folks! He’s a mean judge of your entertainment history and he doesn’t just JUDGE YOU; he downloads copies of all the stuff you have that he doesn’t have and he’ll leave you high and dry.
Now we’re upset, but someone who really should be upset is Jose “Chille” DeCastro as it looks like there’s been an alternative to his “indestructible trifolds” from a program that started way back in 2020!
Individual States and sometimes counties of those states have joined forces to take part in the Blue Envelope Program, which essentially serves the same function as a trifold for drivers with a diagnosis such as Down Syndrome, Autism Spectrum Disorder, dementia, anxiety, or conditions that might require additional accommodations or awareness during a law enforcement interaction.
Blue Envelopes have step by step instructions for the driver on how to interact with police during a traffic stop. It includes reminders to stay calm, keep your hands on the wheel, answer the questions police are posing to you and stay at the scene until the police say you’re free to go.
The kicker? They’re absolutely free. Check with your local law enforcement agency to see if they participate in the program and if you qualify for a blue envelope.
As far as defending your rights and all the other “stuff” on DeCastro’s card? If you want to record, “I invoke my first amendment right to record as press.” If you want to shut up? “I invoke my fifth amendment right to remain silent.” There. That’s literally all you need to know from his trifold during a traffic stop.
Argue your case IN COURT not on the side of the road.
Special thanks to our old buddy Verbo for the tip. 😊
And on that note, if you’d like to see us leave the house once and a while to forage for food at the store (instead of whatever we find in the cupboards that apparently expired in 1973!) and to force me to keep writing this column each day, we do have a GoFundMe of our own (https://gofund.me/b8144e31). All proceeds go to keeping the lights on, eating, and writing new stories to feature here and on reallycoolsite.org.
