How about that title? Yes, all the funds except our own Ongoing Expenses fund put up goose eggs for the day as we took in $25.00, and we avoided the first goose egg celebration of the new lineup as a new donor threw money in the pot for our missing hate viewer.

I’m up after more weird dreams, but I knew it was going to happen as I overindulged on garlic bread and meatballs and sausage for dinner. I’m allergic to garlic so any exposure at dinner time usually ends up with a 3AM nightmare of extraordinary renown to remind me that I’m a dumbass.

Since I now get up at 3AM just to write the paper, my body hasn’t adjusted. I mean in the past it was always scary dreams of alien abduction that would wake me up and make me wonder if there was something out there stupid enough to take me away from this column… but lately, eh, the strangest part of the dream was I was at an airport at a booth where a guy was blending deserts.

He gave me a freebie and he was experimenting with apple pie cool whip and ice cream and threw a brownie in the mix. It was good, but does it violate my no ice cream pledge even if it was just a dream?

Which brings us back to the dreaded reality. We’ve got new victims to the lineup, three of them, in fact and you can blame MERB for one of them. That’s a way to kill the joy and love we’ve been spreading, but hey, at least we didn’t say his name three times to summon his never-ending happiness and keen spirit to brighten your day just yet.

Added to this heap of joy that we call a column comes a very old Floyd Wallace fund that was intended either for a Thailand or Philippines tour (as it’s titled that), which hasn’t had a donation in quite some time but may be one to watch now that Floyd is angling for a return to “Asia.”

Up next is BZWatchDog’s GoFundMe to fund a lawsuit against someone something somehow, we don’t care. The very thought of BZWatchDog at 4:00AM gives us the body shivers and makes us want to go back to bed. You can thank MERB for this as he had a hissy fit about the fund Yesterday and alerted us to it.

The only donation in it is a $100.00 donation attributed to Jose DeCastro. Yes, Chille wasted money (not his OWN money, some poor doner’s money), putting $100.00 into the kitty to start the mad quest for $2,500.00.

Finally, we have an ancient campaign by Michael “Blue Bacon” Pierattini, who has already made $19,580.00 out of his $15,000.00 goal and hasn’t had a donation in a while, but who we can use to say that he’s defeated most of DeCastro’s funds as he’s at 131% completed, while they’re stuck at 5%, 84%, 77% and 8% respectively.

Yeah, I know, Chille has become a farce and a LOLCow again recently, so he doesn’t need to be picked on, but we’re going to do it anyway. Just in case he comes back from his self-imposed time in the timeout chair with a Viagra attitude again.

He will come back; he’ll be hornier than the universe and he’ll pretend that the past week didn’t happen. BET.

On that note, if you’d like to join the hunt for the missing hate watcher who has been forcing us to write this column every morning for the past god knows when, we do have a GoFundMe of our own (https://gofund.me/b8144e31). All proceeds go to keeping the lights on, eating, and writing new stories to feature here and on reallycoolsite.org.

Oh and MERB. That’s three. Now he’s been summoned, and you can deal with a new video drop. You’re welcome!